realizations..

questions to ask yourself..

// who are you // why do you act the way you do // where does your worth come from // do you love yourself // can you handle being alone // what keeps you up at night // what is your biggest fear // what have you learned from your childhood // what has your past turned you into // how can you overcome your unhealthy cycles + patterns // who do you let define you // where does your joy come from // what dreams do you want to come true // what is your souls deepest desire // what are you unable to move forward from // why are you stuck where you are // what lies ahead for you...

the list can go on + on.
just questions I've asked myself lately.


realizations from therapy + from God given insight into my life..

// your own self worth comes from outside factors - people + how they treat you
// you act our of your emotions, always.
// you grew up in an abusive + unhealthy home where you learned toxic patterns & cycles.
// you have never felt loved by your own father
// you are constantly in search of validation, reassurance + acceptance from men.
// you cant handle being alone
// you are extremely emotional and sensitive + take every little thing personally.
// you are such a lover
// you have always been called a strong woman, but you are realizing that isn't really true.
// you are codependent
// you need constant love and attention from a man
// you are looking for "dad's" in every man you meet (as weird as that sounds)
// you have lost your own self-confidence and self-worth because of how you've been treated.
// you put others before yourself, and you lose yourself in relationships.
// you feel like a shitty person whenever a man treats you wrongly or doesn't show you love.
// you run back to the same problems your mom constantly ran back to.
// you have grown to believe that your parents relationship is just the norm + its acceptable.
// you have relationship problems with men because of your childhood.
// you feel stuck, like you can't get out..
// you constantly involve yourself with the wrong men.

the list can go on + on.
just some realizations I've had from God + from my therapist lately.


  Why does it feel like it takes so much effort just to love yourself? Why does the way someone treats you have the power to ruin your entire life? Why do you put up with certain actions from other people and still continue to go back to them? Why do you want someone to love you who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated? Why are you so stuck in a cycle that you desperately want to break out of? Why are you so broken down? Why are relationships so hard? Why do you let other people define your worth as a human being? Since when do other people have the right to disrespect you and be unkind to you? And why do you constantly go back to them, only for it to happen again and again? Why are people so selfish and so mean?

This blog post has no organization to it, it's just a way for me to vent.
but I'm unable to fully vent because I feel so stuck.
if anyone has gone through any of this, please message me + we can chat.


Love,
Natalie

Let Go

"Everything i've ever let go of has claw marks on it."


Our impulse is always to hold on.
to him, to her, to it.
to the way it was.
to the way we hoped it would be.

but you need to let go.
let go of what is no longer serving you.
let go of whatever is keeping you from moving forward.
let go of whatever you're so attached to that you can't see where you're going.


let go of that relationship,
that friend,
that job,
that past,
that false hope,
that dream for the future.

Letting go is scary.
It's a free fall, an act of surrender.
It's releasing things you thought were important,
+ then being okay with the fact that they're gone.

tears are a doorway to the future,
+ so it letting go.

take responsibility.
consciously decide to let go.
take an active role in your healing.
be intentional about letting go.

we are not used to letting go.
we are used to handing on.
hanging on for dear life.
we hang on for a lot of reasons.
the past is known, but the future is a big question mark.
we think the past is the best there is for us.
our past is a comfort to us.
people are a safety blanket.
we are afraid to let go and free fall.
but in letting go we might actually be afraid of finding ourselves.

all of our memories have crafted our identity.
the way it was,
the way we used to be,
the way you thought it would always be.
these memories enslave us.
layer upon layer of memories we are hanging onto.
it's hard to let go of an old identity + move on.

letting go is belief that you will find better.
it's terror + freedom,
it's trust + faith,
its believing.

unfortunately there isn't always room for the old + the new at once.
we have to let go of the old, to experience the new.
we must free up our energy, our attention.
surrender leads to new possibilities.

and we must be okay with the fact that letting go could lead to nothing.
we could be left alone, + that's okay.
the old may not be replaced with a new right away.
we may be left with absence.

stop hoping things will change.
things will not change.
it's time for you to move forward.
don't let this person, or this thing, keep lingering there.
make a clean break + be intentional.
this piece of your life has served it's purpose,
+ it's purpose is finished.
you can't take it with you anymore.

know this,
in your emptiness, there is room for so much more.



be inspired.
Natalie

a constant in the chaos

life can be chaos.
it can be so much, all at once.
my life have been anything but calm lately.
i'm sure a lot of you can relate.

life can be lonely.
there can be so much going on around you,
but yet you feel so alone.
my life has been quite isolated lately.

and yet all around me is chaos.
tragedies, struggles, tears, strife.
from being a teacher,
to being a supportive friend,
to being an emergency responder,
to being a negotiator in the midst of fighting,
to being a leader and a mother figure,
i've been a lot of things lately.
and it gets hard.
simple as that.

thank God for good mothers.
and good coffee.
and drawing.
and working out.
and warm quiet apartments.
and good tv shows.
and loving pets.
and music.
these have been my sources of sanity.

in the midst of my chaos I feel very alone.
so much is going on, but no one is here to share life with me.
people are fleeting.
people are so inconsistent.
people leave you.
people come + go.
this has been my life.
and when someone comes back in, I try to latch on to them.
just to feel a little bit of love.
to feel safe + secure.
to have a glimpse of consistency.
even if it's the wrong people for me to be latching onto.

I think we were made to love, + be loved.
we are relational beings.
we want attention.
we want relationship.
and seasons of solitude can be really hard.
but boy, do you learn a hell of a lot about yourself.
and its raw.

i've been in a season of solitude for a long time now.
at the end of the night, I only belong to myself.
there are no consistent people in my life.
besides my amazing mother.
i've had a lot of people in + out.
but this has been more harmful than helpful.

I could go on + on about my life,
but this is more so an outlet for me, not for you.
a place to get my thoughts + my life down on paper.
well, sort of.
so I can see it.

how would I describe my life lately?
inconsistent.
chaotic.
confusing.
lonely.
soul-searching.
emotional.
emotion-less.
back + forth.
in + out.
here + gone.
gut-wrenchingly real.
so real.

I can honestly say I have yet to visit this place.
God has yet to bring me here.
so i'm still trying to figure out what to do exactly.
and it's a very inconsistent ride.

but God is good.
through it all HE IS GOOD.
he is a good Father.
and I love him as much now as I did before.
before this season he put me in.

a constant in the chaos.
a solid rock that will never leave.
when seasons change, he still remains.
when everyone leaves you, he is still here.
and he knows your heart, always.
I lean on Him right now.
because everyone else is fleeting.
people are fleeting.
emotions are fleeting.
situations are fleeting.
but God is not fleeting.

This song has been following me, closely by my side.
during this lonely season, I am reminded of this truth.
go listen.
for me it brings tears. and chills. and rawness. and realness.
He is a good father, and I am loved by Him.

https://youtu.be/VKvCpAFcjI8

God is loving you through this

God is loving you through all of this.
He loves you so much.
He just wants the best for you.
When we choose to turn away from God, we will always suffer a loss.
And trust me, the pain will come.
There is pain when we lose things that were gained when God wasn't in the picture.
Like a relationship that ended, because God wasn't at the center.
God is jealous for you. Did you know that?
Like a mother to her child, God would love to just take the pain away,
to suffer for us so that we don't have to.
But in suffering you grow. you mature. you're refined. you find yourself.
You learn.
You change.
And there is beauty from the ashes.
God takes what was meant for bad, and uses it for good.
He has that power.
Impossible things are done in the name of Jesus.
He can take the pain, and make something beautiful.
Turn our messes into masterpieces.

He is loving you right now.
I know you've heard the word "love" thrown around in your life.
many times you've heard "I love you" without the actions to prove it.
But God's love is different.
He loves you always. relentlessly. unconditionally. totally. fully. always.
And unlike people, God will never ever leave you.
He is loving you right now, in this battle.
He feels your pain.
He knows your heart.
He counts your tears.
He's watching you. and his heart breaks for you.
But you just have to trust Him with this.
Ask Him for that trust.
He's taking care of you, in this battle.
every minute of every day. do you realize that?
He loves you so much.
He's right here taking care of you. and he wants to give you His best.
He wants you to have all that he planned for you. his plans, not yours.
and His plans are the best anyway.
God is loving. caring. faithful. just. righteous. powerful. good. so good.
Know his characteristics. learn who God it is. It will help you.
Don't forget that God is loving you right now, in this battle you're going through.
and He will be faithful to you no. matter. what.

you are right where he wants you to be.
there is freedom in His name.
He can free you from whatever you are in bondage to. whatever you are stuck to.
do you feel claustrophobic? are you in captivity?
God brings freedom.
He will deliver you.
but He will deliver you in His timing, not yours.
Do you realize that he could instantaneously deliver you right now?
if he really wanted to, he could deliver you in an instant.
But sometimes that's not the point.
What does he need you to get out of this? what is He needing you to get??
trust.
He knows what He is doing.
Remember who you're dealing with here. the God who created you.

Can you say, "God you're good enough for me, no matter what I go through." ?
Yes there are bad things happening, but I cling to you.
I know you love me.
I know you want to be with me.
We have our own definition of need, but God is already fulfilling our true needs.
He knows what we need right now.
And you want to know the best part?
God is not uncertain about anything. He is certain.
God is not worried, he is not unsure.
God is certain about you. He knows His plans for you. He knows everything about you.


Just know that God loves you. real love. never leave your side love. rescue you love.
And while you suffer He is right there loving you.
teaching you.
shaping you.
molding you.
changing you.
healing you.
and it's all for your good.
                                          

 

 

To my women - know your worth

 

 

Women. Know your worth.

Know that you are worthy.

You are more than enough.

Know yourself.

And love yourself.

You deserve respect, love, faithfulness.

You deserve it all.

God loves you.

You are His daughter.

He has your back.

Don't let a man make you feel unworthy.

Don't let a man break you down.

Your worth, your identity, is not dependent on any man.

A man does not define you.

There is nothing wrong with being alone.

There is nothing wrong with y o u.

Know your worth.

Know what you want, and more importantly, what you deserve.

You need a man who wants you.

Not a man who needs you, or relies on you.

A man who has genuine love and adoration for all that you are.

A man who simply w a n t s you.

All of you, forever.

He will do whatever it takes, every day.

He will be there.

His love will be proven to you.

You will feel important.

His effort will be clear.

 

But when a man let's you down, know that it is not you.

That falls on him, period.

Do not take it out on yourself.

Many men like the idea of you.

But they are not mature enough to handle the reality of you.

Don't you dare feel bad about yourself when someone doesn't want you.

Or when someone chooses to hurt you.

It's not you, it's them.

It is their character, their heart.

Not yours.

Don't you forget your worth.

Don't settle for less than you know you deserve.

Be confident in being alone.

Until a man walks into your life and proves himself.

You have a lot of love to give.

You deserve to be picky.

If a man cannot step up to the plate

then be okay with that.

Walk away.

Trust God's plan.

Wait for the right man who will love you selflessly.

A man whose focus is y o u, and not himself.

Know your worth.

You deserve the best.

You are an amazing woman.

No man should ever define your worth.

You will always be beautiful.

Hold tightly to the One who holds your future. 

 

Let Him Win Your Heart

I have yet to meet a woman who dreams of a wimpy, insecure guy who has no clue how to lead or take initiative in a relationship. But few women realize that when they steal a guy’s position and become the initiator rather than the responder, they shape men to be wimps, not warriors. Most women are so eager for a guy’s approval that they carelessly throw themselves at any guy who looks their way. Among today’s love hungry women, a man typically doesn’t have to work very hard to win a woman’s heart and attention. In fact, often all he needs to do is flirt for a couple minutes and the next thing he knows, she’s completely given her heart, emotions and even her body to him. Just like settling for less than a Christ-built man, throwing yourself at guys cheapens the amazing work Christ has done for us. He gave up His very life to make women into his radiant princesses. So why should women take such a gift lightly  by throwing our feminine hearts to anything male that moves? Our heart, emotions, innocence and physical purity are gifts from heaven. These treasures are only to be entrusted to one man (our future spouse) and only after he is truly worthy of such a gift.

Though most modern guys might appear to want women who are aggressive and easy to get, this kind of femininity is not what will capture the heart of a Christ-like man. God designed men to diligently and valiantly pursue a woman. Guys are naturally intrigued by a woman of mystique, a woman who isn’t willing to auction her heart & body to whomever passes by. If a man actually has to work to win a woman’s heart, he will be far more likely to cherish and appreciate the gift he’s labored so hard for. On the other hand, if a woman throws herself at him, though he may initially respond, he won’t have much respect or appreciation for her, and he will never learn how to cherish the treasure of her heart.

 

“But taking the initiative stage with a guy, even in the friendship stage, can be dangerous. God designed men to be leaders, the initiators and the pursuers of a relationship. The way you approach the early stages of a relationship can set the tone for the entire relationship. When women pursue men, the man’s masculine role is diminished, and this hinders them from becoming the strong, confident leaders that God intends for them to be. When a woman takes a leadership role, she subtly disregards a man’s authority and position. If women take the lead in a friendship or relationship with a guy, the weight falls on their shoulders to guide and govern the relationship from that point forward- which is completely backward from God’s intent for relationships.”

 

-Answering the guy questions-
Leslie Ludy

Daughters of God

She wept and laughed with all her heart.
She owned her mistakes & continued to walk steadily down the path laid before her.
She had power & command, yet she never allowed it to strip her of compassion.
She had a great sense of humor.
She had clear direction and purpose.
She refused to negotiate with the enemy.


These are character traits worthy of every women's attention & development.


daughters are filled with love, beauty, hope and tenderness.
a daughter smiles, hugs and laughs.
she is a seeker of the truth and asks many questions.
longing to know who she is.
she is a friend, and a comfort.
a daughter is a precious pearl.


Daughters of God.


we are connected, us daughters.
we do not need to be related by blood, we are related by Jesus.
anyone who does the will of my father in heaven, is my brother & sister and mother.
matthew 12:50
sometimes we recognize our spiritual DNA inside of someone else.
we feel connected to them, somehow.
soul sisters and brothers and mothers...
we find those people who teach us something about ourselves.
we see ourselves in them.
they serve a purpose, maybe for a few months, years,
maybe for a lifetime.


Let your past be your teacher, let your future be your friend.


when I met with her, she always encouraged & nurtured the gift of God in my life.
each time I saw her she spoke words of reassurance and wisdom.
she dropped such things as precious jewels into my lap.
lessons she learned through hardship and suffering she offered freely to me.
and she was honest.
the greatest gift she ever gave me was her belief in the calling on my life.
she saw something in me.
maybe it was her own self she saw in me, for that season.
heaven only knows, but she loved me so well.


So you see, faith by itself isn't enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is worthless.


We all want to feel noticed, acknowledged, touched and drawn in.
In light of this, the house of God is where we should feel embraced, warm, safe & sound.
amongst other Christians we are filled up.
but our nurture should not be confined to the Christian realm.
we must then take it out into the world.
we must reach out and touch others everywhere we go.
so many daughters are out there waiting to be noticed.