realizations..

questions to ask yourself..

// who are you // why do you act the way you do // where does your worth come from // do you love yourself // can you handle being alone // what keeps you up at night // what is your biggest fear // what have you learned from your childhood // what has your past turned you into // how can you overcome your unhealthy cycles + patterns // who do you let define you // where does your joy come from // what dreams do you want to come true // what is your souls deepest desire // what are you unable to move forward from // why are you stuck where you are // what lies ahead for you...

the list can go on + on.
just questions I've asked myself lately.


realizations from therapy + from God given insight into my life..

// your own self worth comes from outside factors - people + how they treat you
// you act our of your emotions, always.
// you grew up in an abusive + unhealthy home where you learned toxic patterns & cycles.
// you have never felt loved by your own father
// you are constantly in search of validation, reassurance + acceptance from men.
// you cant handle being alone
// you are extremely emotional and sensitive + take every little thing personally.
// you are such a lover
// you have always been called a strong woman, but you are realizing that isn't really true.
// you are codependent
// you need constant love and attention from a man
// you are looking for "dad's" in every man you meet (as weird as that sounds)
// you have lost your own self-confidence and self-worth because of how you've been treated.
// you put others before yourself, and you lose yourself in relationships.
// you feel like a shitty person whenever a man treats you wrongly or doesn't show you love.
// you run back to the same problems your mom constantly ran back to.
// you have grown to believe that your parents relationship is just the norm + its acceptable.
// you have relationship problems with men because of your childhood.
// you feel stuck, like you can't get out..
// you constantly involve yourself with the wrong men.

the list can go on + on.
just some realizations I've had from God + from my therapist lately.


  Why does it feel like it takes so much effort just to love yourself? Why does the way someone treats you have the power to ruin your entire life? Why do you put up with certain actions from other people and still continue to go back to them? Why do you want someone to love you who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated? Why are you so stuck in a cycle that you desperately want to break out of? Why are you so broken down? Why are relationships so hard? Why do you let other people define your worth as a human being? Since when do other people have the right to disrespect you and be unkind to you? And why do you constantly go back to them, only for it to happen again and again? Why are people so selfish and so mean?

This blog post has no organization to it, it's just a way for me to vent.
but I'm unable to fully vent because I feel so stuck.
if anyone has gone through any of this, please message me + we can chat.


Love,
Natalie